Ovid and A Women's Guide to the Art of Love
Ovid - Ars Amatoria
Arma dedi Danais in Amazonas; arma supersunt,
quae tibi dem et turmae, Penthesilea, tuae.
ite in bella paresI gave weapons to the Greeks against the Amazons; the weapons that remain I give to you, Penthesilea, and your crew. Go as equals into war.
- Ovid, Ars.III.1-3
It's a Mel Brooks routine. The Cicero-loving Bob Byrd, or Quintus Robertus Byrdus, and his conclave of 2,000-year-old-men orating about those headlines in The Roman Tribune -- "Ovid Ousted, Augustus Disgusted." These are the sexual arbiters who are charged with the solemn task of deposing the frisky Monica Lewinsky....
From Maureen Dowd's N. Y. Times 1/10/99 article:
Inside Scoop on Men
A woman in search of a man has always staged an uphill battle. Today with standards for appropriate behavior changing and men being told to be less aggressive, perhaps the weapons Ovid gave the amazons way back when will help.Old-time instinct-based mating rituals, hormonal lust and love, the bar-scene, and family arranged marriages are out-moded. Clearly, we need a new handbook to teach us the do's and don'ts of the twenty-first century world of love.
Perhaps that's why Mademoiselle 01/05/99 sported a column by a male spy. For the cover price, he'll tell you "why men don't phone."
If you're looking for something better than a question and answer column from a male spy, how about a whole book -- so scandalous its author was sent into exile?
"In the contexts of Augustus' marriage laws, such a work was quite rebellious, which Ovid only makes worse by recommending the great civic and religious monuments of Augustan Rome as good pickup spots."
- Sean Redmond's Ovid FAQ (1)
The Art of Love
Publius Ovidius Naso -- Ovid -- known best for his Metamorphoses , wrote a series of love poems known as the Amores and a set of textbooks known as the Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love).The first two books of Ovid's "Ars" provide techniques the slightly jaded Ovid hopes will help men in their conquests, but the third volume is revolutionary. Ovid claims Venus made him do it -- tell his secrets to women (l.43-4). And so, for 812 lines full of mythological allusions, Ovid tells (women's magazine style) what to do to be more alluring.
- Ovid says to pay attention to personal hygiene
ne trux caper iret in alas (193)
- Not all continental men appreciate hairy legs
neve forent duris aspera crura pilis!(194)
- Disguise imperfections
quaque potes, vitium corporis abde tui.
si brevis es, sedeas, ne stans videre sedere (262-3) - If your teeth are stained or crooked, keep your mouth shut
si niger aut ingens aut non erit ordine natus
dens tibi, ridendo maxima damna feres (279-80) - Hide your flaws by keeping the lights low
nec lucem in thalamos totis admitte fenestris:
aptius un vestro corpore multa latent. (807-8)
Ovid also tells how to get the better of men.
- Have a separate man to fulfill each need
vos quoque, de nobis quem quisque erit aptus ad usum,
inspicite et certo ponite quemque loco.
munera det dives; ius qui profitebitur, adsit;
facundus causam nempe clientis agat.(529-32) - Don't be too anxious. Make him wait a little.
postque brevem rescribe moram: mora semper amants
incitat(473-4)
Like an enticing magazine cover -- Ovid even self-promotes when he tells women to display their erudition by reciting his verse -- he claims whoever masters these arts will obtain the desired outcome. But like someone who's had a surfeit of sex scenes, or for whom the fun all lies in the chase, Ovid barely mentions the act itself, and even then, primarily to give advice on the art.
- Make sure he thinks he satisfied you
tantum, cum finges, ne sis manifesta, caveto:
effice per motum luminaque ipsa fidem.(801-2)
Disappointed? What else should a manual on the art of love be? In the end, procreation will continue to be, not an art, but a biological imperative. Only the stages that lead up to it can be guided by the times and mores.
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(1) www.jiffycomp.com/smr/rob/faq/works.php3
(2) www.kirjasto.sci.fi/ovidius.htm
(3) www.ucd.ie/~classics/95/ClassIre95.html
(4) www.wsu.edu:8080/~brians/love-in-the-arts/ovid.html
(5) www.uwm.edu/Dept/Library/special/exhibits/clastext/clspg049.htm
